a long road ahead / Tracy Friend
hello my love. It has been quite some time since I've visited. you are always in my heart and always in my head. I have your picture at my desk at work to remind me that you are always up above watching over us all. Having your smile in front of me daily helps me to keep life in perspective. As I continue to grow and learn you are always with me. It's hard without you. You made Stout home for me and we shared so much. I don't know what I would have done without you. I have been thinking about you so much lately. I find myself torn in so many directions and not knowing what I am capable of. You always encouraged us all and I miss that so much. April, Michelle, and I keep in touch. I wish I had more time and money to travel to visit you. I promise before the summer is out that I will be there. I miss you so much Heather Ann. Love always, Trace Close
Feelings are so hard for me to express. I think when something happens you live in shock and disbelief. I will never forget the day I heard of the accident and had the person who told me repeat herself three times. It is so easy to want to say everything happen for a reason. Where does that get you?! No where. It just tries to make you feel better and keep your emotions in. This is the first time I have truely looked at this page in depth. It is so hard. I think of you everyday. When I drive to work and when I come home from work. When their is beautiful young woman that I am taking care of I sometimes think of you. I feel like everyday my emotions become more real. You and I were truely not as close as we once had been at the end but I was so glad that I got to see you at Christmas time that year and talk with you. It was a time in all of our lives that we were seeing where the world would take us, going to school, and meeting new people. Everyday when I think of you I am thankful for the fact that it made me realize how great of friends I have right infront of me. You brought me closer to all of them and that I truely appreciate. What is so hard for me is to think of where you would be. You would be doing something wonderful and probably mixing a lot of hard work with a lot of fun. You were a true friend and when I think back to all the times that all six of us spent together it was so fun and so innocent. Sometimes I wonder why life can't be that way anymore. So, as I write this and spill my guts (with a few tears) I am trying to find something in myself. I had just said the other day how I feel like time has made it harder for me and I don't know if it is because now I feel grown up and can look back at all the things that have happened over the years or if it is that it feels like something is missing when we all get together. I don't quite know, probably a mix of both. I appreciate so much in my life and can't replace how nice it has been to know your family more. They are so wonderful and caring. I thought so many times last summer of how 1:I thought your dad was sick of painting the house and 2: how I wish you could be a part of the things in my life and the things that are to come in all of our lives. I really do deep down believe that you are watching over everyone and seeing our lives blossom and change. I hope you are right their with your family as they need you the most. I truely miss you! Love always!
To Heather's Family / Erica Olson (Classmate)Read >>
To Heather's Family / Erica Olson (Classmate)
I have no idea why it took me so long to say this but I am sorry for your loss. Heather and I were not great friends, but we knew one another.
A month ago Heather appeared in a dream I was having where we were rock climbing. The next morning I got up and to me it felt like Heather died all over again. (I didn't get a chance to go to Heather's funeral, because I was recovering from a seizure.)
So I am writing to say I am again sorry for your loss.
Happy New Year / Emily Olson (Best Friends )Read >>
Happy New Year / Emily Olson (Best Friends ) Happy New Year Heather Ann!!
I've been thinking of you a lot over the last few months. I went to see your parents and your brothers over Christmas; it is always weird to go over there to see them instead of you. Whenever I go home or go over to your parents' place, I always remember our reunions. Whenever we would come home from college for a weekend or a break and would get together - the big hugs and the laughs. I'll never forget that first weekend we came home from school freshman year, it was Wo-Zha-Wa weekend, so we had only been away for like 3 weeks. You drove to my parents house that afternoon and when I saw you pull into the driveway I ran outside onto the porch and we practically sprinted to each other and you gave me the biggest hug - that hug is the best one of my life and the one that I will most remember. You always did give great hugs and the occassional random kiss on the cheek :) I miss you so much everyday Heather Ann...you don't even know. I had the weirdest dream about you last night. It was like you had never even left. We were shopping at some mall, planning to go to a party at a girl from HS's house (I won't name names here)...and I was giving you a hard time about not being on Facebook yet..how sad is that?! Haha. I woke up wishing that the dream was true, that you were still here, being my best friend...sharing life experiences.
But I can't lie, some "good" (if you can really call it that) came from your death. I was reconnected with our friends and I am so grateful for that. I don't know what I would do without them now! We had a girls weekend up here in La Crosse a few weeks ago, and it was so much fun! I know you were watching down on us, laughing right along with us the whole time.
Continue to watch over your family, they are so strong and I admire them so much! And don't forget about our friends too. Have a drink with Krusey tonight to celebrate the New Year, I'm sure you guys will have a blast watching Family Guy, eating pizza, and drinking Smirnoff Triple Blacks - just like the old days. I love you lots!!
Growing Up / Jenny Mottl (Friend) Please know that there are pieces of you in everything I do; you have helped me become the grown up I am today. Can you believe that one Heather, “Grown-UP”? It still feels weird to say it. Anyway, I will never forget the lifetime conversation we had that day. Love you always and keep laughing.
Hi Love...How I've missed you. In 20 minutes it is officially your birthday. In 20 minutes it officially marks a day in your life, 3 years ago, when we were together. You were so excited and we loved celebrating with you. I know that you must be having one heck of a party in Heaven and that everyone here on Earth will be thinking of you on this day. Heather, you brought so much to each of us. I don't think I can ever truly tell you enough for you to understand. I still talk of you and I always will. I miss our crazy times and just hanging out. I love you and miss you. You are always in my heart.
Memories/ Jamie (friend) Hello there Heather! It has been awhile since I've visited your site but I do think of you often. I think of our times in the dorm and all the craziness and good times we shared. You've left an imprint in my heart and will never be forgotten. Today I was thinking about what you would be doing now. I know you would have made an awesome decorator and be having a beautiful life. We possibly could have graduated together this past May, wouldn't that have been cool?! I'll never forget your free spirit and caring heart. As your birthday approaches it brings back memories of when you turned 21 and how excited you were! I found myself a man and he's wonderful. I talk about you at times and wish you were able to meet him. I know you would approve
Finally I just want to say I miss you and that I treasure the times we had together. Love lots! Close
I think you every day. I wonder what you would be doing with your life if you were living today. I believe you would be living a wonderful life. You would have a significant person in your life and would be enjoying a successful career. We would look forward to spending time together whenever possible. To see you walk through the door at home and throw your arms around us, as you always did would be the best gift I could ever have. I will always believe your life with us was special and significant in ways that I have trouble explaining. Our time with you and losing you has brought meaning and purpose to our lives. You came into our lives life a gift from heaven and left us so quickly. Your death is by far the most significant and meaningful experience of my life. I know mom feels the same way. We miss you every day. Each day is a gift to cherish and is enriched by your memory. Love you Heahter, Dad...
Today marks 5 years since the class of "2002" walked the halls of WDHS.
Heather as your classmates reflect, laugh, and reconnect with one another tonight I feel great joy for all that are able to attend. I know this night would mean a great deal to you. Friends are forever! My hope for your WDHS classmates - success and happiness. I know you will be there in spirit...listening to the stories of accomplishments and maybe even a few disappointments.
Know you will be in your friends hearts tonight as you are each day. Help them to understand that life is good and that sadness helps us reaffirm our love for family and friends.
Keep us smiling for you always brought out the best in others as you continue to do today!
I Love you today as much as yesterday and will keep you forever in my heart... XXO
Always Smiling / WDHS Schoolmate
Heather, You were in a dream that I had last night that felt so unbelievably real! I had been on your site yesterday, as well as Laina's, so I'm sure that's why the both of you were in it together. I dont know who my dream was about, but I remember that someone had gotten hurt - and you and Laina were both there, sitting on a lunch room table together. You were making everyone laugh and cheering everyone up...which is exactly the way I remember you. You had such an amazing personality, and a great sense of humor. Your smile has not faded and never will be forgotten. Close
Miss you! / Kim Dorow (Good Friend ) Hey HAJ- It definetly hasn't been the same around here without you. I went home for christmas and I got to see all the girls in the six pack. We went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse....it was the first time I have ever been there. You wouldn't believe what we did....We stole a beer bug. Alright so it was a little wrong but it was pretty funny. I am doing really good out here in Idaho and I know that you are watching over me everyday. I miss my bob-a-luga. I know that tomorrow will be 2 years since the accident... and I want you to know that everytime I think about you it brightens up my day. You were always the easiest person to talk to about things. So many memories that we share together and that will never ever be forgotten. You will always be close to my heart! I love you! KimClose
Missing You / Emily (Best of Friends ) Hey girlie...first of all, I want you to know that this is my second attempt to type this. I spend 45 minutes last night writing on here and when I tried to change the font color (to pink of course) the page refreshed and deleted everything I had just written. You can imagine how incredibly angry I was...needless to say, I went straight to bed after that. But basically I am just writing to tell you how much I miss you. I have been thinking of you so much lately, and how strange it is not to have you home over the break. It's funny how much I miss just hanging out at one of our parents' houses watching movies or a season of one of our favorite tv shows. I even miss those ever so long and pointless phone conversations where half the time we sat there in silence, trying to figure out what we could do that day or night. We couldn't wait until we were both 21 so at least then we could go out...It's too bad you didn't make it to that point, because I know we would of have so much fun. Brooke and I met Darcy and Maggs in Madison on Wednesday because I wanted to show them my dress. And it just so happened that we had run into Chad earlier that day at Best Buy and your mom called me and was able to meet us at the store and see it too. And Chad saw it too, of course, he is the first boy to see it; and he better keep his mouth shut! It is supposed to be a surprise!! It has been so weird to do all of this wedding stuff without you here with me. My maid of honor isn't here to do her duties...Cate is filling in as best she can, but always know that you are my real maid of honor, and all of this isn't the same without you here to share it with. I miss you so much Heather, and even though it has been almost two years now, it doesn't hurt any less. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, don't have a vision of your beautiful smile pop into my mind, and don't hear your contagious laugh in my head. We all loved you so much, and it is always so hard to imagine your life without someone special like you in it, but it is even harder to actually live your life without that person. I hope you enjoyed Christmas up there in Heaven with Jordan and your Grandparents. It's somewhat relieving to know that you have them up there with you, so you will never be lonely and will always have someone to talk to. Just keep looking in on us from time to time, okay? I don't know what I would do if something would happen to anyone else in my life right now. I need everyone I have, collectively they are my rock and they all keep me going. I'm so lucky to have my friends and family that I have, and I was so lucky to have you and Jordan too, I miss you both so much. Can't wait until the day that I will be able to see you again...But keep visiting me in my dreams, okay? Because I always wake up happy after those nights you visit.
The last couple of nights we have been camping out in your room because of the family that came for Christmas. In the back of our minds we could hear you saying, "Get out of my room and don't touch anything!" With that ever-so tender tone. It felt weird to not hear this, but we realized how much we missed that tough love you always gave us. What are brothers for anyway:) By the way we didn't mess it up too bad. Anyway we think about you everyday and miss you very much. You will be in our hearts forever!
Mom and Dad -
Christmas was very different this year. Mary and the boys came without Steven. They did bring Grandma with them. We had Christmas Eve Day dinner with Pop, Jan and Dave, Grandma, Mary, Rob, and Kevin. Aunt Mary bought a Christmas gift for you to hang on our beautiful Christmas tree ( you would have put your stamp of approval on it) it was a wonderful white butterfly. It was our symbol to us all that you were with us through every moment. It is now Christmas night... Everyone has left and we are home just the four of us. Know that during this time of year we are reminded of the special gift God has given to us. You are part of that miracle and we know in our hearts we will all be together again some day. Say hello to Me-Me, Grandpa Bud, Loyce, Grandma B, and Jordan. We love you and miss all the fun times you brought to Christmas's past. Love and Kisses and Merry Christmas, Heather Bean.
sharing the good times / Maggs (friend)
hey hajster
this past weekend was truly special and i really feel that you were a part of it. Darc, Brooke, Em and I went dress hunting for the wedding and boy was it an adventure. You ofcourse know that trying on dresses in my eyes is about as fun as running those ladders we used run in practice. But... it was truly one of the most amazing days of my life. There we were... the four of us who had hung out in school together... each moved away to college... and started down very different paths as far as careers go... and yet we had somehow managed to stay this close. So much has changed. We have changed. All of us. And yet, I felt an overwhelming sense of comfort riding in the backseat of Em's car saturday (listening to country music by the way haha) just laughing and talking with my closest friends. It was then that I truly felt you were there with us. Just as you always are and always have been. The car steared us toward the dress shop in Baraboo, even though we hadn't planned on going there and into the shop we went to just "glance" at bridesmaid dresses. Within a half hour Em and I had both found perfect wedding dresses and a perfect bridesmaid dress. We had such a great time and I know if you could have been you would have tried on all the crazy lime green and mermaid dresses that we had Brooke try on. But I know you were at least laughing with us, and probably tearing just as we did. Thank you so much for watching over us Heather. We all still miss you so much. You have taught me that keeping my friends close, no matter what different paths we're taking... is the most important thing I can do with my life. I know that things will continue to change, but one thing that never will... is how much I love you girls. I am very blessed to have all of you in my life. Love you always, maggs Close
Laughter/ Jenny Mottl (Friend)
Yum! I just got munching on a pumpkin spice muffin for breakfast, and it reminded of your love of pumpkin. Do remember those pumpkin cookies you made for everyone? I think we might have poked fun of you and your obsession a bit; regardless it still amazes me how funny little words and things still remain wonderful reminders of you…
I see lady bugs/Asian beetles, I laugh I walk past that fence we hid doing exorcist voices, I giggle I chat with friends I have met through you, I smile
See, a few days ago I stumbled upon this silly quote:
“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people”. ~Victor Borge
I thought to myself, if that’s the case, then we’re not far apart at all.
Looking forward to seeing you. / Dad (Father)Read >>
Looking forward to seeing you. / Dad (Father)
We will finally be making a return visit to Stout when Aaron plays football there. I wish so much you were finishing your program and living your dream. Knowing you are not ever going to walk through the door is as dificult to accept today as it was yesterday and the day before that. I had hoped it would become easier. I know that someday we will be in touch again. Life ended so fast without any warning. Mom has been a saint, you would be so proud of her. Chad and Aaron are making us proud. We will live each day thinking about you.
I just finished putting up some new pictures, most of them are from when you were little. I had so much fun going through all of them, I think you might of been the cutest baby ever! Just the cutest faces and expressions. And it's neat to see you with your mom and dad, and your brothers too! There is this great one of you and your mom, and you are dressed as clowns, most likely for Halloween, and you look so unhappy and she is rolling her eyes, it is CLASSIC. Now I know where you got the art of eye-rolling from...your mother, and she was good! I miss you so much Heather Ann...right now I am wishing you were here with me...all this planning to do for this wedding and I don't have you here to share it with me...but I know that you are watching over me, and you always will be. I love you so much and miss you everyday!!
There are so many things changing everyday and sometimes I can’t tell my head from my feet. I’m not sure if this is always a good thing, but I’m still holding on for the ride. Many of the decisions or choices I have had to make seem so difficult to me. What amazes me is that each time I feel so very lost something new floats into my life with a little hint of you. I don’t know how to explain it, but I know you’re there trying to tell me to relax and stop worrying so much.
Saturday night I had an option: choose something typical or try something scary and new. I wasn’t sure, but I went with my gut and tried something new. What it reminded me of most, was that night I dragged you out and you met Andrew. I don’t even know how I got you to come, but I think you would have been there this Saturday night dragging me out; and maybe that was what you were doing in your own special way.
Anyway, as I drove toward this scary new thing I watched the sunset. It could have been just the direction I was driving, but there it was, that pink Heatherific sky: the one that so many of us see when you want to remind us that you’re there.
Everything else around me was grey and black, and the sky was bright pink and orange in the direction I was heading. It was a light guiding me and telling me it was ok. Once I reached my destination, it almost seemed to disappear. It made me smile because I knew you were there.
As so many do, I wish you were here to share in all of our lives. I miss ya kiddo, but I love and thank you for always being there in that way that no one else can. You are still one of the greatest gifts to us all.
Heather, For some reason I cannot seem to think of an appropriate title for this blurb I am writing...I can't put a label to my thoughts. Your mom's last entry here said what all of feel verbatim. That void that was once filled by your smile and laughter-even your sadness can never and will never be able to be filled by anyone or anything. I think that is something over the last year and a half that has finally sunk in. I know I speak for all of us when I say that we miss you and love you dearly. Not only did you impact your families lives, but the lives of all those around you. How could we not fall in love with you and your famous faces, voices, and contagious energy...above all your zest in life and loving attitude towards everyone. I miss you a lot these days. Things are going good. I hope to come see you soon. Maybe this weekend if I can. I have to say that when I do know how hard it is for me to walk away and leave your side...it feels like losing you all over again.... I pray for your family a lot and I think about all of our conversations pretty much on a daily basis. I am constantly reminded of you every single day and I am thankful for that because the memories of you and our friendship keep me smiling and make is some how a little easier knowing you are up there watching down on us all. I love you Heather Bean! May you bring the joy to those in Heaven like you did here on Earth. Love always, Tracy
Tributes and Condolences
